What if my children don't cooperate?
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If you're reading this, you've probably already imagined it. You've booked a family photoshoot, or you're thinking about it, and in the back of your mind there's a little voice saying "but what if the kids won't cooperate?" Maybe your toddler is going through a phase where everything is a battle. Maybe your three-year-old has never sat still for more than ten seconds in their life. Maybe you've tried taking a nice photo on your phone recently and it ended in tears - theirs or yours!
I hear this from parents a lot, and I completely understand where it comes from. You're investing in something you care about, and the idea of your little one having a meltdown in front of a camera feels stressful. You picture yourself trying to get everyone to stand still and smile while your youngest screams and your oldest refuses to look up from the grass.
But after years of photographing families with young children, I can honestly say that "cooperating" isn't what makes a great family photo. Not even close. And once you see why, it takes a lot of the pressure off.
What "cooperate" actually means
When parents say they're worried their children won't cooperate, what they usually mean is they're worried their children won't stand still, look at the camera and smile on cue. And honestly, most young children won't do that, at least not for more than about thirty seconds. That's completely normal. It's not bad behaviour. It's just being a child.
The thing is, I'm not really looking for that anyway. I'm not trying to recreate a school photo with everyone in a line smiling at the lens. I'm looking for the moments in between - a child reaching up for your hand, siblings whispering to each other, or your little one concentrating on something they've found on the ground. Those are the images that feel like your family. And none of them require your children to "behave."
I do gently guide things when we need a group shot or a portrait, but even then, it's playful. It's never "sit still and say cheese." It's more like "can you give dad the biggest cuddle you've ever given him?" or "let's see who can do the silliest run." The smiles that come from that kind of thing are real, and you can see the difference immediately.
The "say cheese" problem
I think a lot of the worry comes from how we're all used to having photos taken. Someone holds up a phone, says "smile!", and you pull a face. As adults, we've learned to do it reasonably convincingly. Children haven't. When you ask a three-year-old to smile, you get a strange, tight-lipped grimace or a wide-eyed stare. It looks nothing like their actual smile, the one you see when they're laughing at something or running towards you.
A forced smile only uses the mouth. A real smile changes the whole face - the eyes, the cheeks, and the way they hold themselves. I've never once looked at a forced smile in a photograph and thought "that's a beautiful image." But I've looked at hundreds of photos of children mid-laugh or quietly absorbed in something and thought exactly that.
So when I say your children don't need to cooperate, what I really mean is they don't need to perform. The less they're aware of the camera, the better the photographs tend to be.
What actually happens during a session
I think parents sometimes imagine a photoshoot as this intense, focused thing where everyone needs to be "on" the whole time. It's not like that at all. It's much more relaxed than people expect.
I usually start by just letting the children do their thing while I chat with the parents. I'm not pointing a camera at anyone straight away. I want the children to get used to me being there before I even think about taking a photo. Some children warm up in minutes. Others take a little longer. That's fine, there's no rush and I build that time into every session.
Once we get going, I work with whatever the children are doing. If they want to run, we go with that. If they want to sit and look at sticks, I'll photograph them looking at sticks - and honestly, those quiet moments often produce some of my favourite images. If a toddler only wants to be held by mum, that's fine too. Some of the most tender photos I've taken are of a child clinging to a parent, face half-hidden, peeking out. That's real life with small children, and it's lovely.
I move between group moments and individual ones, and I'm always watching for the little things - a glance between siblings, a hand reaching out, a spontaneous laugh. Those moments happen constantly when a family is together. You just have to be ready for them.
When it all goes a bit sideways
Let's be honest about this, because it does happen. Sometimes a toddler has a full meltdown. Sometimes a child cries because they don't want to be there. Sometimes siblings fight. I've seen all of it, and I promise you it's fine.
I never push through a difficult moment. If a child is upset, we stop. We take a break. We let them have a snack or a run around or just sit with you for a bit. There is absolutely no point in trying to force a photo when a child is distressed, you'll see it in the image, and nobody wants that.
What I've found is that if you take the pressure off, children almost always come back around. A toddler who was crying five minutes ago can be giggling ten minutes later. Children move through emotions incredibly quickly when they're not being told to stop feeling what they're feeling. I've had sessions where the first fifteen minutes were tricky and the rest was wonderful. The parents were apologetic, but when they saw the gallery, they couldn't believe they'd been worried.
I've also learned that the worst thing anyone can do during a tricky moment is panic. When parents start getting stressed and saying "come on, just smile for the nice lady," it makes everything worse. The child picks up on that tension immediately. I always tell parents - your only job is to enjoy being with your family. I'll handle the rest.
Shy children
Some children are naturally shy or slow to warm up, and parents often worry this means the photoshoot won't work. Actually, I find shy children photograph beautifully.
A shy child peeking out from behind a parent's leg. A child being carried, face tucked into mum's neck. Two hands clasped together - one big, one small. These images have a gentleness to them that's really special. They tell the truth about your child at this particular age, and that's exactly what family photography should do.
I never force a shy child to come out of their shell. I give them space, I keep my voice quiet, and I let them come to me in their own time. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Either way, there are beautiful photos to be made. The child who spent the entire session attached to dad's hip still gave me some of the loveliest images because that's who they are right now, and that closeness between parent and child is exactly the kind of thing worth capturing.
Toddlers specifically
Toddlers are brilliantly unpredictable. One minute they're laughing, the next they're lying on the ground because you won't let them eat a leaf. That's just the age, and I love photographing them because the energy and emotion is so vivid.
The key with toddlers is to let them lead. I follow them rather than trying to direct them. If they want to walk in the opposite direction, I go with them. If they find a puddle more interesting than me, I photograph them at the puddle. The images I get from that approach are full of personality and movement. They look like your actual child living their actual life, which is so much better than a stiff portrait of a toddler who's been asked to sit on a log and smile.
I always recommend booking sessions around nap and meal times. A well-rested, well-fed toddler is a completely different child from one who's tired and hungry. And bringing a snack is genuinely one of the best bits of advice I can give. Not as a bribe, just as a reset button if things get a bit wobbly.
Older children and teenagers
This comes up less often, but it's still worth mentioning. Older children and teenagers sometimes feel self-conscious or awkward about family photos. They might roll their eyes or stand stiffly with their arms by their sides. That's just the age.
I find the trick with older children is not to make a big deal of it. The more attention you draw to the camera, the more uncomfortable they feel. I keep things moving, give them something to do rather than something to pose for, and I'm always watching for the unguarded moments - a genuine laugh at something a sibling said, or a quiet moment with a parent. Those are the photos that even the most reluctant teenager looks at afterwards and likes.
What parents can do to help
The single most helpful thing you can do is relax. I know that sounds easier said than done, but children are incredibly sensitive to the energy around them. If you're tense and worried about how they're behaving, they'll feel that. If you're laughing and enjoying yourself, they'll follow.
A few other things that genuinely help: don't mention the photoshoot too far in advance with very young children - a day or two is enough. Don't build it up as something they need to be good for. Avoid phrases like "you need to smile" or "please behave." And if things are tricky on the day, try not to keep correcting them. I've found that the moment parents stop trying to manage everything and just enjoy being together, the whole session shifts.
Your photographer, whoever that is, has seen it all before. This is not your job to manage. It's mine!
What you'll actually see in your gallery
When you're in the middle of a photoshoot and your toddler is running away or your four-year-old is refusing to look at the camera, it can feel like nothing is working. But you're seeing it from the inside. I'm seeing it from behind the lens, and I'm watching for completely different things.
I'm watching for the way you scooped your daughter up when she started getting upset. The way your son ran back to show you something he'd found. The way you and your partner looked at each other and laughed when everything was going a bit wrong. Those moments are honest and warm and full of love, and they make for the kind of photos that stop you when you see them.
Almost every parent who's been worried about their children's behaviour during a session has said the same thing afterwards: "I can't believe you got those." The photos they love most are rarely the ones where everyone is looking at the camera. They're the ones where something real is happening.
The quick version
If you've skimmed down to this bit (no judgement!), here's what I'd want you to take away:
Young children aren't supposed to sit still and smile on command. That's normal, not naughty.
Forced smiles don't look real. The best expressions come when children are playing, laughing or just being themselves.
I build warm-up time into every session. There's no rush.
If things go a bit wrong, we pause. We take a break. Children bounce back quickly when the pressure is off.
Shy children photograph beautifully. So do wild ones. So do grumpy ones, honestly.
The less you try to manage your children's behaviour, the better the session will go.
The photos you'll love most probably won't be the "perfect" ones. They'll be the real ones.
If you've been putting off booking because you're worried about how your children will be, please don't. Get in touch and I'm happy to chat it through. I've photographed every kind of session you can imagine, and I've never once had a family walk away without images they love.