I hate having my photo taken! - a photographer's honest thoughts
In a hurry? Skip to the quick version
If that's you, I want you to know two things straight away. First, you're not alone, this is probably the most common thing I hear from parents before a photoshoot. And second, I'm not going to try to talk you out of how you feel. That feeling is real, it's valid, and I'm not going to pretend a pep talk will fix it.
What I can do is share what I've noticed from the other side of the camera, because I think it might help.
This comes up almost every time
Most people's experience of being photographed is either a selfie on their phone, a photo someone else has taken on a phone from an unflattering angle, or a formal situation like a work headshot where you're standing still and staring at a lens feeling awkward.
None of those show you as you actually are.
Phone photos are taken from close range, often from below, with a wide-angle lens that distorts your features. They flatten your face, exaggerate your nose, and make everything look slightly wrong. And because you're usually aware the photo is being taken, your expression is self-conscious - that tight, I-know-I'm-being-photographed face that doesn't look like you at all.
Most people who say they hate photos of themselves are really saying they hate photos that don't look like them. And I completely understand that, because those photos don't look like you. They're a bad translation.
What I see is different from what you see
When I'm photographing a family, I'm watching for something completely different from what you're worried about.
You're thinking about your chin. Or your arms. Or the fact that you didn't have time to wash your hair. Or that you've put on weight since the last time someone took your photo.
I'm watching for the moment your child reaches for your hand. The way you laugh when your toddler does something ridiculous. The way you tuck your daughter's hair behind her ear without even thinking about it.
Those are the photos. And in those moments, you look like you - the real, warm, present version of you that your family sees every day. Not the version you see when you're staring at yourself in a phone screen.
I know that might sound like something a photographer would say to make you feel better. But I've been doing this for over a decade, and I can genuinely tell you that the parents who are most worried about how they'll look are almost always the ones who love what they see in their gallery. Not because they look perfect but because they look like themselves, and they didn't know that could feel good.
You don't have to be the centre of attention
In most of my phtooshoots, the focus is on connection, the interactions between you and your children, you and your partner, all of you together. You're holding someone, or walking with someone, or laughing at something that just happened. The camera isn't pointed at you saying "now look beautiful." It's catching you in the middle of your life.
A lot of the most beautiful images of parents I've taken are ones where they're not looking at the camera at all. Looking down at a baby in their arms. Watching a child run back towards them. Whispering something to a toddler on their lap. In those photos, you're not performing for the camera. You're just being a parent. And that always looks beautiful.
The invisible parent
This is the thing I want to say gently, because I know it can feel uncomfortable to hear.
If you're the one who always takes the photos, always steps out of the frame, always says "just get one of the kids", your children are going to grow up with hundreds of photos of themselves and almost none of you.
I've heard from so many parents, usually when their children are older, who wish they had more photos of themselves with their kids when they were small. Not because they want to admire how they looked, but because they want to remember what it felt like. Their child on their hip. Their toddler resting on their chest.
Your children won't look at those photos and notice the things you're worried about. They'll see their mum or their dad, and they'll remember being loved. That's it.
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I'm saying it because I've watched it happen, and I think it's worth knowing.
"I'll do it when..."
This is something I hear a lot too. "I'll book a photoshoot when I've lost weight." "When my skin is better." "When I feel more like myself." "When the kids are a bit older and I'm less exhausted."
I understand the impulse, completely. But the truth is that your children are this age right now, and they won't be for much longer. A three year old becomes a four year old so quickly. A baby who can't quite walk yet will be running in a matter of weeks. Those stages don't wait, and they don't come back.
The photos I take aren't about how you look. They're about how your family feels, right now, at this particular moment in time. And that moment is worth capturing whether you're feeling your best or not.
What I do to help
I don't expect anyone to feel instantly comfortable in front of a camera. Here's what I actually do during a photoshoot:
I start slowly. I spend time chatting with the family and letting the children get used to me before I even think about taking a photo. That gives everyone a chance to settle in.
I keep the focus on the children and on interaction. If you're playing with your kids, reading to them, walking with them, the camera becomes secondary. You forget it's there because you're busy doing something real.
I give gentle direction when it's needed, but I never put anyone on the spot. If I suggest something, it's always simple "pop your arm around her" or "just look at each other for a moment." Nothing that requires you to perform.
I don't show you the back of the camera during the session. I know some photographers do this, but I find it pulls people out of the moment and makes them start worrying about how they look. I'd rather you stay relaxed and trust me to do my job.
And when you see your gallery afterwards, I think you'll be surprised. Not because you'll look like a different person, but because you'll look like yourself, and that's so much better than the version you've been dreading.
The quick version
Hating photos of yourself is incredibly common. You're not the only one, and I'm used to working with people who feel this way.
Most of why you hate photos is because phone photos are unflattering and don't look like you. Professional photography in natural light is a completely different thing.
You don't have to pose, perform, or be the centre of attention. Most of the loveliest parent photos are ones where you're focused on your children, not the camera.
Your children will want photos of you. Not perfect photos - just you, being their parent.
Waiting until you feel ready often means waiting until the moment has passed. Your family is worth capturing right now.
I do everything I can to make you feel comfortable, and it almost always works. The parents who worry most are often the ones who love their photos most.
If this sounds like you and you've been putting off booking because of it, I'd love to chat. No pressure, no expectations - just an honest conversation about what a session is actually like. You might be surprised.